Mental Health - Examination
Every year has its ups and downs. Last year was pretty down and the beginning of this year looked much brighter. But in the end, things started to go down again.
I’m not sure it’s as simple a thing as seasonal/holiday blues. This is something more pervasive, something that’s been building. And there are a couple of sources of problems.
One is my self esteem. It is much easier for me to think that I’m not doing a good job and that I will always fail at my attempts to do anything. The truth is very much the opposite. I am doing good, not great but good. I can improve and I won’t just fail.
The lack of self esteem also lends itself to my thinking that everyone is upset with me or that something bad will happen to me. It easier to play out bad incidents then assume good things will happen.
I also am not happy. Examining it logically makes it seem almost silly. I have a wonderful family, a loving husband and a great group of friends. I have a nice house and a job I enjoy. So what is my issue?
Lack of direction possibly. Without a goal or anything to aim for I sort of wander through life. Lack of proper rest definitely doesn’t help.
Stress, real or imagined, is something I also don’t deal with well. And the lack of free time means I have less of a chance to deal with it.
Anxiety is somewhat less of an issue for me. Medication keeps to worst of it at bay and the few incidents are mild. Still, the medication is necessary and I would like to be off it sometime soon.
Also… I totally need to learn to concentrate on one thing at a time. Really…
Filed under Happiness, Mental | Comment (0)Where I am, Where I want to be
Where I am:
- I live in a two bedroom condo that teeters between chaos and calm.
- I eat without abandon, making excuses or trades or ‘taking the hit’ for things that I only somewhat enjoy
- I cannot exercise without a lot of nagging and almost never from myself.
- I am constantly tired, struggling to stay awake at important times.
- I feel like my time is wasted, like I am drifting through so many days without accomplishing anything of important
- I am mean to myself, I torment my mind with unwanted thoughts and can dig myself into pits of despair with little or no effort.
Where I want to be:
- I live in a two bedroom condo that is kept neat and clean. Clutter is at minimum and I can easily dust to prevent allergies. I have done some basic home repair and my kitchen is recently redone.
- I love to eat and I enjoy everything I do eat. Most important I eat in moderation. I have learned that it is not necessary to clear one’s plate when eating out. And I have learned that cooking at home can be just as rewarding as a trip to a restaurant.
- I will never be an Olympic athlete but I make an effort at keeping in shape. I try to exercise everyday, even if it is jus a walk outside. I am learning how to jog and I participate in some team sports. I see the inside of my gym once a week.
- I have accepted I am no longer a college student and thus make it bed well before midnight. When the alarm goes off, I get up rather then hit the snooze button. I listen to my body and know when I am really tired so I can adjust my sleep schedule as needed.
- I have a plan for the next few months. I have goals I’m striving to meet and I make sure that every day I do something that I truly enjoy. Work is not so scary anymore as I have systems in place to help me complete the tasks that I have to do. And work stays at work. After work, I am free to pursue my own goals.
- I am my biggest fan. I am my own cheerleader. Each time a bad thought tries to crop into my mind, I beat it back relentlessly. Sure, not every day is perfect but I try to remember how lucky I am to have a wonderful family, a loving husband and a great group of friends.